Nobody Knows
by Drama Queen 08
Summary: Elliot reflects on Olivia leaving...Oneshot. PostInformed. song fic.


Nobody Knows 

I slam my door shut, allowing the thunderous noise fill the room. She left. She _fucking_ left. Without even bothering to tell me. The least she could have done was leave a sticky note on my computer! Or call and say "Oh, by the way Elliot, I'm leaving." But no, that's just too much of an inconvenience.

I drop my duffel bag on the couch and groan in frustration. I can't believe she would do this to me. To us. We were just starting to reconnect after the Gitano case. After she left to go to TARU. Things were just starting to get back into our groove we've had for the past seven years.

And now she's gone.

_I pretended I'm glad you went away _

_These four walls closing more everyday _

_And I'm dying inside _

_And nobody knows it but me _

_Like a clown, I put on a show _

_The pain is real even if nobody knows _

_And I'm crying inside _

_And nobody knows it but me_

Today was the worse. Since I was without a partner, Cragen put me on desk duty. Fuck desk duty. I put up my hard-ass façade to all those who entered. No one would know that Elliot Stabler was lost without Olivia Benson. Nobody would know that lately, it's been hard to breathe with knowing she's gone. And what's worse is not knowing where she is exactly. How can I be sure that her new "partner" has her back? What if something happens to her? I know for a fact if anything happens to her, I will blame myself. _I_ should have her back, not some person who doesn't know her.

_Why didn't I say _

_The things I needed to say _

_How could I let my angel get away _

_Now my world is tumbling down _

_I can say it so clearly _

_But you're nowhere around _

_The nights are lonely _

_The days are so sad _

_And I just keep thinking about _

_The love that we had _

_And I'm missing you _

_And nobody knows it but me_

I grab a beer from my fridge and sit in the recliner. There's a picture that is resting on the mantle of Liv and I at a New Years Eve party last year. We looked so happy in the picture. It's that moment that I realize what I already know is true. I have fallen in love with my partner.

Finally admitting this to myself pisses me off even more. Not only have I lost my best friend and partner, I have lost the woman I love. Twice. Only this time, I don't know if or when she's coming back. Dammit! Why didn't I stop her from doing this? Can't she is how her leaving me is killing me?

_I carry a smile when I'm broken in two _

_And I'm nobody without someone like you _

_I'm trembling at night and _

_Nobody knows it but me _

_I lie awake it's a quarter past three _

_I'm screaming at night as if _

_I thought you'd hear me _

_Yeah my heart is calling you _

_And nobody knows it but me _

_How blue can you get? _

_You could ask my heart _

_But like a jigsaw puzzle _

_It's been torn all apart _

_A million words couldn't say _

_Just how I feel _

_A million years from now you know _

_I'll be loving you still_

I finally draw my lazy eyes to the clock on my left. Vibrant numbers illuminate, telling me that I've been staring at the television screen for far too long; and that now it is 3:15 in the morning. Anger has turned into desperation. I can't breathe. I literally feel my heart breaking, pieces falling to the floor. The only person who can heal me is now thousands of miles away. At least, I think she is. Who knows. She could be next door for all I know.

It still angers me that she didn't tell me where she is. All Cragen said was she was on "temporary assignment." Temporary assignment where? Another unit? Another city? WHERE!?!

_The nights are lonely _

_The days are so sad _

_And I just keep thinking about _

_The love that we had _

_And I'm missing you _

_And nobody knows it but me _

_Tomorrow morning I'm hitting _

_The dusty road _

_Gonna find you wherever _

_Ever you might go _

_I'm gonna unload my heart and hope _

_You come back to me _

_Said when the nights are lonely... _

_The nights are lonely _

_The days are so sad _

_And I just keep thinking about _

_The love that we had _

_And I'm missing you _

_And nobody knows it but me_

It's now four. I've decided that I'm not taking this waiting around thing anymore. I've had enough. I don't care where the hell she is, I'm going to find her. I'm taking her back home where she belongs. With me. I glance at the framed photo of us again. I need to tell her how I feel. I need to tell her that I love her, and need her to live.

Sleep finally overcomes me as I feel my eyelids droop from the heaviness. It's pointless for me to sleep when I need to get up in two hours anyways. I dream of Olivia. Her sweet lips touching mine as we passionately make love. Nobody knows it but me.


End file.
